Who do you trust? That’s an important question!

What got us thinking about trust is that there seems to be so much confusion and lack of trust going on today. Years ago there was a TV game show called “Who Do You Trust?” The emcee was a rising star, Johnny Carson. Now we are hearing that same question more and more frequently in the areas of politics and healthcare and sometimes even in families. Unfortunately, this is real life and not an entertaining game show. Frank Sonnenberg said, “Trust is like blood pressure. It’s silent, vital to good health, and if abused, it can be deadly.”

Trust is not something that can be developed overnight. It is earned. Where there isn’t tangible evidence that someone, or some entity, deserves to be trusted, it might take time to develop trust. While gaining someone’s trust is not easy, it doesn’t take much to lose it. One silly mistake or a single suspicious act and things can go back to square one. There’s a popular saying, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair.” We thought it important to talk about trust and why it is so critical to us individually and as a society.

Trust helps keep people motivated, secure, loyal, and committed. On top of that, there is no greater feeling than knowing that your personal and professional relationships are built on solid ground and integrity. Should it shake and fall, you have it in you to rebuild. Here are some of the pillars that are needed to build and maintain trust:

1. Communication – This is one of the most underrated aspects of human relationships. Knowing how and when to communicate helps build trust in any social or professional situation. Selection of what to communicate is of utmost importance. How the communication transpires, including active listening, clarifying, respectful tone and nonverbal communication can be used to build, or undermine trust. Also, notice any gaps in stories which may need to be explained.
2. Honesty – If people are known to be honest, others will find it a lot easier to trust them. However, it’s not always easy to tell if people are being honest or not. We don’t want to believe this, but in reality, some people are good liars and are manipulative. If that’s suspected, look into the past and find out if there are instances where there has been dishonesty. That doesn’t mean people can’t change, but it’s a warning to be cautious.
3. Transparency – Transparency that includes authenticity helps to build trust. Sharing openly will help show that intent and actions are clear. This helps eliminate things that may raise doubts. Notice if clarifying questions are answered calmly and truthfully. It’s helpful if evidence and logical reasoning are presented where necessary.
4. Commitment – Being able to keep working to get a good resolution is a trust builder. Those who have the same values and are committed to not give up can be good partners and be reliable. For example; a company can trust a committed person to help them achieve their goals. Also, in romantic relationships, commitment helps the partner to know that the other person will also stay through tough times.
5. Admitting and apologizing when wrong – Admitting wrongs and apologizing are a sign that people understand and regret the consequences of their actions. This makes it easier to earn back the trust when someone has been wronged.
6. Humbleness – It’s hard to trust a “know-it-all.” Listen to others even when their viewpoint is different There is always something to learn. It also makes it easier to form a relationship. With a humble attitude, people can feel safe and more trusting to open up themselves.
7. Congruency – Being clear in what’s said and not changing back and forth, helps people to trust. If people keep changing their minds or saying one thing and then doing another, it’s easy to lose trust in them. To trust, we want to know that the person is who they claim to be.

What about you? Do people trust you? If so, congratulations! George MacDonald says, “To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” What we realize is that when people trust, they feel safe and love grows. And who do you trust? Are you in relationships where you can trust and feel safe and loved? We encourage you to assess the importance of trust in your life so you can confidently answer the question, “Who do you trust?’ As you build trust, you’ll likely enjoy even more satisfying relationships.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2021 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.