What masks do you wear?

I put on a wild, feathered eye mask. Then Doug showed me a fun mask that has been in his family for years. (You’ll want to see this! You can check it out in the related video.) Those actual masks got us thinking about a different type of mask – the persona masks that each of us puts on in our lives. Have you thought about what persona masks you wear and how they affect your life?
We put on the actual masks for certain holidays such as Halloween, New Year’s and Mardi Gras. It’s fun to pretend to be the ”other person”. Then there are times when you want to be you but just show another side of you, so you can put on the mask of a different persona. Doug asked if I had a time when I put on a persona mask. I answered, “Yes, when I saw my first client in my psychology internship”. The client said, ”Oh, Dr. Nodland, I’m so anxious.” I thought to myself, “You think you’re anxious.” However, my anxiety would not have served the client well, so I put on a persona mask of calm confidence so I could provide the best service.
I asked Doug If he ever put on a persona mask that served him well. He shared that it was a similar scenario to my “first client” story. He said, “It was when I first became an attorney and I was presenting my first jury trial case. I was shaking in my boots when I walked into the courtroom and I thought, the last thing I need to do is show my fear in front of the judge, jury and my client. So I put on a make-believe “cape of confidence” and pretended that I had been in this courtroom many times and that being there was just normal for me. It really did help to get me through those first experiences.” Using the strategies mentioned above is like “whistling a happy tune” to feel less anxious. Putting on persona masks definitely helped us calm anxiety and have confidence to serve others more effectively.
We also recognize there’s a fine line between when the persona mask is helpful and when it’s not. If you’re anxious when you are in a picture or video, it may be helpful to put on the mask of confidence. However, people want to know you just as you are, so it usually works best to be your authentic self.
Another place it helps to just be yourself is when you are giving a speech. When you show your authentic self and your vulnerability, the audience’s heart will soften. They can relate more easily to a “real person”. There’s a quote by Oscar Wilde that sums up this idea. He said, “Be yourself because everybody else is already taken.” That’s true, and with practice and confidence, it’s easier to just be you.
We wanted to find out what other people would share about the masks they wear. We went to the Arboretum to learn more. There we met Pam Anderson, from Chanhassen, who was visiting the Scarecrows in the Garden exhibit. We asked Pam to tell us about masks that she wears. She responded, “I wear the mask of a parent. Having to raise my kids, a 32, a 27 and a 21 year old, [there are] many masks you wear as you deal with the many personalities of the kids.” Pam enjoys “supporting them as they figure out life as an adult and watching them grow into who they are.”
We also met Spencer Bata and asked him the same question about what masks he wears. He shared, “The mask that I wear is of a coach or a trainer. Every morning you have to just get up and put on whatever mask makes you be “you”, and for me that mask is not a complicated mask. It’s a comfy mask and I’m happy about being kind of a role model, leader, coach and trainer. That’s me in a nutshell. I just like helping people and giving back to the community.”
Pam and Spencer shared some of the masks that they wear in life. We also shared some times when masks can be helpful and when they possibly hold you back.
Here’s a challenge: Take time to identify the masks you wear in life. Decide which ones serve you well and which ones need to be tweaked or discarded so you can be your authentic and best self.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2017 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.