Trust – a foundational principle in relationships!

What does trust mean to you? Trust may mean different things to different people. We thought a lot about trust as we flew home recently. We trusted people to fly us home safely. When we got home, we had trusted our refrigerator to keep working but unfortunately, it proved untrustworthy. Now we trust the repair person to arrive soon.

We realized that we all trust people and things. Trusting is part of life and it’s especially important in relationships. Stephen Covey said, “Trust is the glue of life.It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” So, as relationships grow, here are some ideas on how to build trust as a foundational principle:

Boundaries
Having boundaries is one of the ways that people can maintain trust in their relationships. Pamela Cummins says, “Individuals set boundaries to feel safe, respected, and heard.” When people’s lives become constantly intertwined, it may lead to a feeling of entitlement. Then it may be hard to understand why someone suddenly wants to spend time by themselves or hang out with friends without you. Discussing boundaries from the onset of a relationship will help you have stronger relationships and develop trust.

Communication
Virginia Satir said, “Communication is to relationships, what breath is to life.” Communication is not just paying each other compliments and keeping the other informed of plans. It also includes communicating your fears and your needs. Communication will enable you to have a caring relationship where trust is built. To maintain trust in any relationship, communicating with respect sets the tone of whether you can trust each other or not. Communicating will enable people to know how to best relate to you.

Congruence
Peter Drucker says, “Trust is congruence between what you say and what you do.” You build your reputation with the things you say and do, so it’s essential to be congruent with words and actions in your relationship. Keep the promises that you make so that you don’t leave someone wondering and coming to conclusions that are not true. Maintaining trust requires one to be trustworthy because broken promises will be used as a basis for justifying why you cannot be trusted at all. Do not make promises that you’re aware you will not be able to keep.

Responsibility
Abraham Lincoln said, “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” When you have made a mistake, own up to it and take responsibility for your actions as soon as possible. We’ve all made mistakes in life, but denying responsibility destroys trust and damages relationships.  ‘I’m sorry,’ and an apology can go a long way to helping relationships. Also, be trusted to make amends if need be. If you are the person who has been hurt, express your feelings so the other person has the opportunity to try to make things right again. You want to trust the other person to allow you to be open and to respond to your needs. No one wants to be in situations where they are afraid to express their feelings. Also, they want to explain how they have been hurt and not have the other person shift the blame.

Honesty
Thomas Jefferson said, “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” Jefferson’s words are so true. Trust in your relationships will require honesty about the expectations that you have for the relationships. Vulnerability, consistency, and communication will only take you so far if you are not open and honest about your expectations. If you don’t communicate, you can’t expect people to know what you want and need. Being vocal about your expectations helps in grow relationships. Respecting each other and not being judgmental about what is being expressed will also help maintain trust in a relationship. Don’t criticize or belittle others for sharing how they feel with you, as you will be closing the lines of communication.

The beauty of relationships is that as honesty grows, it also contributes to trust. As we grow and evolve, so do our needs and wants. So, take time to have honest conversations about your hopes for the future.

What about you? What helps you trust someone? Also, what helps you trust in yourself? We hope the ideas shared here will help you build trust in yourself and others. Then you’ll have trust as a foundational principle to help you have even more satisfying relationships. And for us, we’ll trust that by the repair person coming, we’ll once again be able to have a good relationship with a refrigerator we can trust.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.