How to find happiness in good and bad times!

What makes you happy, besides friends and family? That’s a question we asked some people earlier this week as we prepared to do our column and related video.

How life changes! Given what happened next in our life, happiness didn’t seem like an appropriate subject to be covering. After doing the happiness interviews, we found ourselves visiting dear Aunt Mary at the hospital. She was like a second mom to me (Lynn). Her health had steadily declined after many years of smoking. Finally, we gathered as a family at her bedside and she quietly passed away. Fortunately, her passing was peaceful and our faith helps us to know that her spirit still lives.

Even though it’s a sad time, we are happy to have shared life with her. We’re grateful for the love and support of family and friends during this difficult time. Even in lives that are usually happy, there will be some bad times and sadness.

So we’ll be working on cultivating our happiness. When I (Lynn) was a trainer for Martin Seligman, Ph.D., the author of Authentic Happiness, he mentioned that the bad news is that 50% of our happiness is determined by our genetics. He also said that the good news is that 50% of our happiness is not determined by our genetics. Only 10% of happiness is controlled by circumstances and 40% is controlled by our thoughts, actions and behaviors.  So we have the ability to help ourselves become happier

Abraham Lincoln said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

Sure, everyone wants to have a good mood, but why is it so important to be happy? Research shows that being happy has many benefits. Some benefits include having more confidence, optimism and creativity, being more sociable and an increased ability to cope with challenges. Happier people have better immune systems, heal faster, have lower incidence of heart disease, have better relationships and even live longer. Yes, live longer! That’s quite a list of benefits to gain in life!

So, here are some ways to become happier and gain those benefits:

• Nurture relationships
• Explore new experiences
• Help others
• Practice gratitude
• Commit to something meaningful that’s bigger than ourselves

There are also three ways to kill happiness over time, so let’s be sure not to do these:

• Compare ourselves negatively to others, especially on social media
• Have no close friendships
• Hold on to anger and resentments

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.”  We certainly don’t want that to happen!

After looking at what to do to increase happiness and what to avoid doing, we wanted to find out more about what makes other people happy.

We went to Lake Susan Park and asked two people what made them happy, besides family and friends. David Mathiason from Eden Prairie told us, “Now that I have a three- year-old daughter, I spend most of my time at home so I try to find things around the house that I can do that spark my passion – playing guitar and also cooking, which I used to do professionally but I don’t do any more, so now it’s fun. I play acoustic guitar and sing where nobody can hear me and I cook whatever I can find that looks good.”

Then we asked Megan Hanson from Minnetonka what makes her happy. Megan said, “This beautiful, gorgeous day. In the fall you can’t complain when it’s sunny and 70 degrees. You got to get all the vitamin D while you can. So the sun, being outside and being able to enjoy this beautiful Minnesota fall makes me happy.” We agreed that it was a perfect day to make happy memories.

We also realized this week with Aunt Mary passing away, that there are so many happy memories of her that will stay with us.

What about you? What could increase your happiness level?

Some ideas: Notice what makes you happy and do more of it! If you want to increase happiness, try some of the ways we mentioned and let us know your results. Remember to hug your loved-ones and make happy memories that can last for a lifetime and beyond. As you increase your happiness level in both good and bad times in your life, we hope you’ll enjoy the many benefits.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2019 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.