How to change driveways and thought ways

Do you want to change your thinking? Whether you need to change your driveway or to change your thinking, surprisingly, the process is similar. Sounds like a crazy comparison, but humor us and we’ll show how we came to this conclusion. As Socrates said, “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Recently our townhome association informed us that all the driveways needed to be replaced. When we looked at it, we agreed. Last year it seemed okay but now it was cracking and looked like it really needed to be changed.

First, they had to assess the situation. What cost and effort would it take to do the project and what would ultimately be the benefit? Well, the driveway would definitely last longer and look better.

Then came generating alternatives. How would they do the project? Ultimately, instead of just pouring some tar on top, the whole driveway had to be dug out. When the crew came to redo our driveway, we watched like little kids mesmerized by the heavy equipment and lots of action.

They quickly scooped out the old driveways. The base of sand and rock was rolled and scraped until it was compacted and ready for the blacktop. A week later then the blacktop machine laid the blacktop on the driveway. Heavy rolling machines made it smooth.  We were told to wait a couple of days before driving on it and we were very happy with the results.

So, how do we see the change with the driveway and making a change in our thoughts as similar? They’re similar in that we have to get rid of what doesn’t work and replace it with what does work. Just as we had to get rid of the old crumbling driveway, and replace it with a new smoother one, we have to get rid of thoughts that are holding us back and replace them with thoughts that help us on our life road. In looking at ways of thinking, Zig Ziglar refers to negative thinking as, “Stinkin’ thinkin’, which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes.”

If we want to change our thinking, here are some ways. First, assess the situation. What do we want to change about our thoughts? Are our thoughts positive or negative? Do our thoughts contribute to us using language that is not fitting with our values?  Are we too harsh or judgmental? Do we want to be more positive and generate thoughts that help us be happier?

Next, we can look at the costs of not changing thoughts and the benefits of changing thoughts. If my thinking remains the way it is, does it serve me well? Am I becoming more optimistic and motivated or is my thinking discouraging me and putting me down?

What is the outcome I’m looking for? Actually, some people are afraid to become more optimistic because they’re worried that they’ll be let down if something good doesn’t happen. Also, they don’t want to be “caught off guard” and not be prepared if anything bad might occur. Just a caution, these reservations in thinking usually don’t lead to happiness. Marcus Aurelius said, “The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”

So, here are some alternative ways to change and be a more positive thinker. When you catch yourself having a negative thought, realize that the thought is not doing you any good, so reframe it into a positive. Another way to change thoughts to be more positive is to use positive affirmations. When you repeat these often enough, they actually stick in your brain. Over time, the positive affirmations can replace negative thoughts.

There are many benefits of changing your thoughts. Just as the change to a new driveway is smoother and not bumpy; when you change your thoughts, we think you’ll have a smoother road in life and not so many bumps. Your thoughts drive your feelings, beliefs, language and actions.  As you become more positive in your thoughts, often the world can seem brighter and relationships become better.

What about you? What changes do you want in your life? Whether you’re changing your driveway or your thoughts, remember to not focus your energy on the old, but instead, to build on the new. We encourage you to assess how you want your thoughts to be and make changes so the journey on your life road can be even more smooth and happy.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2021 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.