How do masks affect your life?

It’s getting close to Halloween and that got us to pull out our masks in preparation for that occasion. My mask is a bit exotic and fun to wear. Doug’s mask has been saved from childhood and it is very different. You can see us try these on by going to the related video link in this article. We started thinking about not only Halloween masks, but also the metaphorical masks, the different personas, that we wear in life.

How do masks affect your life? We all have several masks. We started looking at why we wear masks and some of the advantages and disadvantages of wearing a mask. One of the advantages of wearing masks is to fit into society. Some of the masks we wear might be a certain persona or personality, such as parent, business person, teacher, etc., where we want to appear appropriate to the role we are in. This can help us to meet expectations of others and, in addition, it can help us to feel safe.

Also, it can be an advantage to wear a mask when we encounter situations that might be uncomfortable. Wearing a mask can help us to cover up emotions or attitudes that we don’t want to share. Doing this sometimes avoids conflict. In a stressful situation, like giving a speech, putting on a mask of confidence can be helpful. Then, even if we might be shaking inside, the persona that the audience sees is that of a calm and effective speaker.

There are times however, when wearing a mask can be a disadvantage. It can be a disadvantage if someone puts on an inappropriate mask. For example, a man might have a jolly and carefree spirit mask when he is watching a football game with his guy friends. Using this same mask might not be appropriate for a serious board meeting at work. Also the reverse is true. The buddies watching a football game together probably would find a serious business leader mask as pretty “stuffy” in a
fun-filled situation.

Another disadvantage of wearing a mask is that if people wear it too often or too long, they can lose a sense of their own identity. They find they are living to meet others expectations and not looking at their own thoughts and feelings and how to express them.

So how can you take off your mask when you want to do so? First, find a situation where you feel you can risk letting your own persona show and start to pull down your mask. Peek out and see if you feel safe enough to disclose more of you in that environment. Also, feel appreciation and gratitude for the strengths and skills you have to contribute. It takes courage to be vulnerable and authentic. People are not perfect and if you let people know you are human, often it helps them be able to relate to you.

We talked to Debbie Annett, Victoria resident. We asked her to share with us what’s a mask that she wears and how it serves her. Debbie answered, “A mask I wear probably would be control. I like to have things under control. I like to be able to plan ahead. I don’t like to be caught off-guard – a little bit of that plays into perfectionism. If I’m going to do something, I want to do it right. Then we asked her how that mask serves her. Debbie said, “It makes me more comfortable as I approach a situation. If I know ahead of time what the eventualities would be and try to do whatever I can in advance to have those covered.”

Then we asked Debbie if there’s a time that the mask of control does not serve her well. She shared, “Yes, there are a lot of unplanned-for events in life. You cannot plan for everything, so I have had to learn to be more flexible and adaptable and just know that I can go with the flow if I have to. I do the best I can in preparation for something that I can plan for. If I can’t plan for it, really, it’s no big deal in most things in life. So, I just go with it.”

We appreciated Debbie sharing with us. And what about your masks?

Here’s some ideas: Look at the masks you wear and adjust them so they serve you well. Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” We encourage you to discard masks that hold you back so you can be your best authentic self.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2018 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.