Holiday expectations: Celebration or survival?

What are your holiday expectations? Let’s face it. Our expectations, whether they be positive or negative, are elevated during the holiday season. We may be either envisioning the Norman Rockwell setting of the “perfect” holiday meal, harmonious family functions, giving/receiving the right gifts, peace on earth, goodwill to men (and women!) – or we are wondering if we will have the strength to do what needs to be done and survive it all. Maybe it’s a combination of both.

It’s easy to replay “tapes” of previous holidays where things did not go as planned and wonder, will this year be a repeat. Will people be disappointed by the gifts we give? Will kids misbehave? Will a “hot” topic of perceived or real past hurts surface that gets everyone upset?

We want everything to work well, of course, so where do we come up with expectations about the outcome? We don’t actually know what will happen in the future so we envision what we expect will happen. Here are some ways we create expectations. First, we look to the past. What we’ve seen that has happened before contributes to our learning and our belief for the future. If good things have happened in the past, we usually believe that positive things will happen in the future. Unfortunately, research shows that often negative incidences stick in the minds of people much longer and stronger than positive incidences. This means we are more likely to remember bad things rather than good things.

The next phase of creating expectations occurs when we reinforce our belief of what will happen. When we believe that something good will happen, we are more likely to look for good things that are going on. However, it works with the negatives, too. If we believe bad things will happen, we are more likely to look for bad things and the whole experience will seem more negative. But there’s hope – know that when we look for good things, we have a greater chance of a positive outcome.

Actually, a way to look forward with realistic expectations is to recognize the past, whether it’s good or bad, but also realize that this is a new moment coming up that we have never experienced before. We have a choice to think about it the way we want to, and to act in the way we want it to play out. We can influence the outcome. Here’s an example. If people go to an event, stand in the corner, look down and don’t mix with people, they can easily tell themselves that nobody was friendly. However, others possibly thought they didn’t want to be disturbed. This can happen in the holidays when meeting with people, maybe relatives, you don’t see too often. If you don’t talk to them, they might not be as talkative and friendly back to you as you would like. The important message is that you have much more control than you realize, of how your expectations play out. As Tony Robbins said, “Trade your expectations for appreciation.” And as you appreciate more, good experiences can happen that meet and exceed expectations.

We talked to some people to see how they handled their expectations. First, we went to the Chanhassen Public Library where we asked Maren Wilbur about her holiday expectations. Maren shared, “It’s a busy time of year for everyone but I’m trying to establish new holiday traditions with our three and a half year old granddaughter, so it’s a really fun time for us. Also, to continue some of our old traditions, we have friends of the family that we spend time with every single New Year’s Eve and we’re looking forward to continuing that. My expectations are pretty low. I just want to connect with family and friends. That’s what it’s all about.”

Then we met Liz and Dustin Maddy as they shopped at a Chanhassen store. Liz told us about her expectations by saying, “I don’t have any big expectations. I just want to hang out with family and have a good time. I’m excited to see my kids, ages 7 and 4, open the gifts and play with other cousins.”

We found that people we talked to had expectations of enjoying time with friends and family.

Here’s a challenge: When forming your expectations, we invite you to consider this saying by Richard DeVos, “Life…It tends to respond to our outlook, to shape itself to meet our expectations.” Our wish for you is that your holiday expectations are not just about survival, but are about celebration.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2017 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.