Are you the type of person who tends to put others’ wants and needs above your own? That’s not a bad trait if you’re doing it because it fits in with your personal morals, values, and principles. The problems come when you start allowing what others want, need or think about you, to rule your life. Some people try to squeeze themselves into a box that pleases others, only to find they have lost themselves and are living lives of regret. The words of Mercedes Lackey ring true, “If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.
What got us thinking about this subject was we recently watched a talk by our friend and mentor, Iman Aghay. Iman saw his hardworking father pass away from ALS at age 53, before his father had the chance to travel and enjoy life. He died with big regrets.
Ironically, at age 27, Iman was on his deathbed from internal bleeding. He talks about how his father’s, and his own experience, got him in touch with wanting to live a life of no regrets. Fortunately, Iman survived. He now helps others to live lives of no regrets.
We want to live lives of little or no regret and we wonder if that might be your goal also. So what can get in the way of living a life that we really want for ourselves? Actually, it’s the little things we do each day, the choices we make, that add up to the final results in our life. Some of the habits that can get in the way include watching too much TV, spending too much time and concern on social media and not spending enough time on meaningful relationships.
When people take time to realize what they really want for themselves, their lives can get much better. This doesn’t mean not caring about others, but it is about learning to care for ourselves, too. It’s about having balance. We know that many good feelings come from being needed. Now let’s look at the benefits that can happen as you care about yourself.
You’ll begin to know yourself again.When you actually take some time to reflect on who you are with all your strengths, skills and talents, you begin to gain confidence again. You begin to let yourself be happy with who you are right now and you open up to the possibilities ahead. Look at what your values are and what you want your life to be, not just what others want you and your life to be.
You’ll make better decisions.When you know what your values are and what’s most important to you, you’ll be able to make better choices for your life. Also, when you know what you think about an issue instead of just knowing what others think, decision-making becomes easier. You become more authentic when you make decisions based on your thoughts and values instead of those of someone else.
You’ll see the value of setting boundaries.Boundaries that you decide to set are your boundaries, not the boundaries set by others for you. You may set boundaries for how you will be treated by other people. You’ll be able to recognize who really cares about you and also who you don’t want to have in your life anymore. Additionally, you may set boundaries on what you do with your time, activities and finances so that these areas all support having no regrets.
You’ll become happier with your life.You’ll be more content when you’re not looking to be the person someone else wants you to be. Joy comes from being the person you want to be and reaching goals that fulfill you. When you live based on intrinsic rewards, instead of rewards from outside yourself, you can see what motivates you, instead of what matters to others. Then you can focus your attention on the things you like to do and care about, and you’ll be able to get the results you want.
What about you? Do you care too much about what other people think? Are you living the life designed by someone else or designed by you? We like a quote by Catherine Pulsifer, “Don’t live your life regretting yesterday. Live your life so tomorrow you won’t regret today.” You are the CEO of your life and we encourage you to live it fully so you have no regrets.
Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com
© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.
Recent Comments