Are life “triggers” helping or hurting you?

Are the triggers in your life helping or hurting you? A situation, a sight, smell or sound can “trigger” positive or negative feelings that arise from past learning. These triggers are negative when they stimulate feelings like anxiety or sadness from connecting to something negative in the past. However, triggers can also be positive when they elicit good feelings connected to the past. A trigger may not even be part of the event but it has a strong association. Sometimes we are aware of the connection and sometimes we are only aware of the feelings that arise. We’ll each share some triggers from our life as examples for you to see how they occur. Then you can look at what triggers you might have in your life.

In church on Sunday, I (Lynn) had tears rolling down my face. Sadness, you may think, but not at all! Those tears were tears of joy! The song, Gift of Love, was being sung by the congregation and my husband was singing it, right beside me. The song and his voice triggered all the wonderful feelings of when he sang that song to me at our wedding many years ago and the happiness I felt then and now. That was a very good trigger.

A negative trigger that I (Lynn) just realized last summer is that I feel anxious when I’m driving and it’s just starting to rain. Notice how specific that trigger is. That anxiety is linked to feelings I had as a child when my father was driving. It had started to rain and our car slid off the road. We ended up overturned in a swamp. Everyone was okay but it was scary. Because I recognized the trigger and why I felt anxious, I can now feel more calm when a similar driving situation arises.

I (Doug) will reveal a positive trigger that brings happiness for me. Right now, with our blustery winter, just the mention of Bonita Beach, FL, brings memories of the Gulf, feeling the warmth of the sun and enjoyable times with the family.

Now, here’s a situation that can trigger negative feelings. If I (Doug) have something touch my legs when I’m sleeping and I don’t know what it is, I feel like kicking it. These feelings are triggered from times as a young boy when I was helping to empty the ears of corn from the corn crib. There were rats running around in there and I worried they could crawl up my pant legs. Definitely a negative trigger!

We wanted to find out what triggers other people have. We talked to Nancy Cardwell, who was sledding with her granddaughter on the giant hills created by the snowplows. Her husband, Don, was helpful to “groom the slopes” so Nancy and her granddaughter could have smooth sledding. We asked Nancy what the winter season triggers for her. Nancy said, “It triggers growing up in Bemidji, MN. It’s freezing cold and our mother throws us outside in the morning and says, ‘Don’t come back ‘til lunch.’” We commented that we thought it sounded pretty harsh but Nancy responded, “It was harsh but we lived through it and we had a good time. We would play and play, then go back for more dry mittens. When there were no more dry mittens, Mom put socks on our hands. In the house, there ended up to be rows of wet mittens lined up drying on the radiators.”

We think that Nancy being sent out to play for hours on those winter mornings might have contributed to her being so adventuresome with her sledding. “Yes, Nancy said, exactly! I think I got shamed a little bit by my granddaughter who said, ‘Come on, Grammy, come on, you have to do this! You have to go down (sledding), too.’” We thought it was wonderful that Nancy could have her husband and her granddaughter outside with her to make the most of winter. Nancy agreed, “Finally, it was nice out today so we were able to get outside and enjoy ourselves.”

Nancy shared triggers associated with winter. What about you? What triggers are helping or hurting you?

Here are some thoughts: When you have strong or unusual feelings, either positive or negative, this can be a clue that something from the past could be triggering those feelings. As you understand the source of your feelings, you can choose your reactions. Then your life can run more smoothly and be more enjoyable. We appreciate hearing your thoughts.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2018 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.