First impressions have lasting effects

How do you make a great first impression and why is it important? That’s not what we were expecting to ask this week but we came across something that brought this question to mind. Stay tuned to learn what we saw that prompted us to bring it up.

First impressions are important because it has been shown that first impressions have lasting effects. The book, Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell, reveals how, based on their observations, people make decisions about others in the blink of an eye. Gladwell suggests that people can take a small slice of data and draw conclusions from it using a combination of experience and intuition. The subconscious recognizes patterns long before it registers in the brain and these conclusions stand the test of time. Instantaneous conclusions can help people make decisions quickly that are often more accurate than when people take time to analyze a situation deeply. Exceptions to this are when conclusions and decisions are based on prejudice, bias or stereotyping.

Communication expert Ric Phillips talks about the four “v”s that contribute to a first impression. The first ”v” is verbal (the words you use). The second “v” is vocal (tone of voice and pacing). The third “v” is visual (appearance). Together they contribute to the fourth “v”, the vibe. He says that vocal and visual override verbal every time. To have a good impression, he suggests showing confidence and not fidgeting. It is not surprising that many of the communication specialists suggest that people “fake it ‘til they make it”. Practice posture, gestures and voice tone that show confidence. The nice result from this tactic is that when people fake it and practice long enough, eventually they can become it and their confidence and good first impressions are authentic.

We’ve mentioned that first impressions are important and that they are lasting. We also mentioned some ways to create a good impression. Now, as promised, we’ll share what got us thinking about first impressions. As Paul Harvey, famous radio commentator from years ago, would say, “Now, the rest of the story.”

We were at a Chanhassen lake and, in the distance, we noticed a couple sitting at a picnic table. That, by itself, may not seem at all remarkable but we also noticed that they had a tablecloth on the table. Still, that can happen somewhat often. However, when we got closer, we realized that the tablecloth was a nice one, not the standard red checked vinyl cloth, and there were also placemats. To top it off, there was a candle and the whole table was beautifully arranged with a variety of delicious food.

As we approached the couple, they smiled and said “Hello”. We commented that something special must be happening. They were friendly and confirmed that indeed it was a special occasion. They introduced themselves as Kristen Lowe and Bob Amico who, we found out, were celebrating their first date together. We asked about their relationship and how this date happened. Kristen shared, “We had been exchanging letters and getting to know each other. We decided to meet in-person. Somewhere in that conversation, we talked about having a picnic. Then it looked like the weather was going to be bad. We decided to go for it, anyway, and it stopped raining.”

We asked Bob what he brought for the picnic. Bob said, “Kristen was great. She gave all the ideas on what to bring for food. I said, you just need to show up and let me take it from there. She made it really easy for me. We talked about salmon, dip and French bread. I just wanted to make it special, so we did the tablecloths, the real china, a great bottle of wine.”

Then Kristen chimed in, “I’m going to interject that I said a few things and he came up with all of this. So he gets credit for this. I said, bring some spread, French bread and smoked salmon. [I didn’t say anything about bringing all this] – figs, fruit, silverware, spread, cheese, bread and good wine. He made a good impression!” From observing the table and the goodies that Bob brought, we agreed that it was, indeed, a grand first impression.

How about you? What kind of first impression do you make?

Here’s a challenge: Evaluate your verbal, vocal, and visual styles and your resulting vibe. Where it’s helpful, use some of the ideas suggested so you make a great first impression. Remember, first impressions have lasting effects and you only have one chance to make a first impression.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2018 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.