Is your caregiving helping you or hurting you?

We wonder, are you doing volunteering or caregiving? Do those activities help you and bring you joy or do they hurt you by leaving you feeling drained and burned out? We got to thinking about this because our last column and video talked about how volunteering and caregiving can be wonderful ways to help people feel happy. The problem comes if your caregiving gets overdone and life gets out of balance. Then your caregiving could be hurting you.

When caregiving gets too much, you might experience a loss of energy, have insomnia, a feeling of powerlessness, wanting to withdraw or give up and feel that you have no life yourself. Sometimes when people care for others in traumatic situations, the caregiver can actually get physically and emotionally depleted and end up with compassion fatigue, which can become debilitating.

The real key to being an effective and energized caregiver is to find the balance between caring for yourself while you care for others. Here are some strategies that could be helpful: Getting in touch with nature can be healing to body, mind and spirit. Sometimes a walk, bike ride or just sitting by a lake or stream and listening to the water lapping and the birds singing can be calming. Planting a garden may be more physical but it can relieve stress. Meditation, yoga and prayer can help generate feelings of peace. Be with loving family members and friends and get to know some caring neighbors. Also, engaging with others in some fun activities can be a good way to forget about the cares of the day. Definitely practice good self-care, clarify your boundaries and say “no” to caregiving when it could be hurtful for you. And don’t hesitate to call a professional for help if you feel it’s warranted.

We wanted to find out more from a caregiver so we met with Rayna Lechelt, a teacher who has an active family life and also does volunteering. We asked her how she does it all. Rayna said, “I’ve been volunteering for a while – since I was 6 years old! I would go to the nursing home and play bingo with the residents. That’s something I continued to do all the way through high school. My mom worked at the nursing home and she would give me a challenging patient – one that was heart-broken, maybe, or just came out in anger. What I would do is make it a challenge to try to get to know that person and bring them to a more joyful heart. My volunteering continued in college where I became a part of the Big Sister Program and I did several other volunteer opportunities – working in gardens with those that needed help and in adult daycare situations. I also volunteered at the local community college and taught EL [English Learner] students varied words and worked with them on their GEDs so they could get their certificates. Also, in my adult life it [my caregiving] has been in girl scouts and Tender Lutheran Caregivers through our church for about 10 years.”

We asked Rayna how she kept things balanced with all her other responsibilities. She shared, “One thing I’ve learned to do is to take time in the morning. I take time to meditate and pray to God. I get myself centered before my feet hit the floor. I take several minutes and read the Bible and I also do PiYO yoga in which I take time to care for my own body. I love to cook so I’ve just finished up about 4 hours of cooking and that will feed my whole family through the week. I have figured out how to manage my time properly. Of course, there are times when things are a little bit more unbalanced but I really try to keep balanced by just listening to myself and my own body.” Rayna added, “One of the things I do in the morning is journal and I was thinking about compassion. When I’m praying, it’s that I’m helping others and I lose myself in the compassionate embrace.”

Rayna shared about volunteering and how she cares for herself so she has balance in her life. How about you? How is your caregiving affecting you?

Here’s a challenge: Take stock of the caregiving that you do and whether it helps you or hurts you. Decide what you need to say ‘no” to and set your boundaries. As you take care of yourself and have balance in your life, you can be an even better caregiver for others.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2018 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.