Healthy relationships – Help for the heart

How healthy is your heart? This question has been in the news a lot this month because February is National Heart Health month and heart disease is the leading cause of death in the America. When talking about heart health, there’s a lot said about exercise and diet. We agree that these are definitely important factors but what’s not talked about is how much relationships affect heart health.

Unhealthy relationships can lead to an unhealthy heart. You’ve heard expressions like, “It broke my heart” or “My heart is hurting” or “I have a heavy heart”. These are verbal expressions often shared when relationships are not going well. Bad relationships contribute to depression, insomnia, increases in the stress hormone cortisol, increases in adrenalin and many other stressors that affect the heart. There can also be increased cognitive decline and even an increased mortality rate.

This information correlates with what I (Lynn) found when I was getting my doctorate in psychology with a behavioral medicine specialty. I did a study at the Minneapolis Heart Institute and Abbott Northwestern Hospital. The results correlated unhealthy relationships with negatively impacting recovery from heart disease. Other studies correlated healthy relationships with improved recovery rates.

Healthy relationships promote love, balance and peace in life and the release of stress-reducing hormones oxytocin and dopamine. Having a supportive partner or friend provides social support and can act as a buffer against stress. When people have a loving relationship, there’s often a greater sense of purpose and well-being.

An article from Northwestern Medicine states that “Having healthy social relationships makes a bigger impact on avoiding early death than taking blood pressure medicine.” They’re not saying to stop taking medication but instead encouraging people to develop some good social relationships, even if they often prefer more solitude.

Here are some attributes that show up in good relationships. There is healthy, open and honest communication. People listen to and respect each other, even when they have different perspectives. They feel they can trust each other with anything. They engage in healthy activities together while still understanding when they each need individual time. They share appropriate touch and affection. People also benefit by having a good relationship with themselves as they care for and affirm themselves. Also, some people benefit from having a pet.

In good relationships, people enjoy activities, humor and fun together. Another important attribute is that the people in the relationship are able to say “I’m sorry” and forgive. When people can let go of past hurts and work toward an improved relationship in the future, they are doing much to promote a good relationship. A familiar saying is, “Never let the sun go down on your anger.” This is sometimes difficult to do, but doing it can result in better sleep. We have a ritual each night before we go to bed – we tell each other, “I love you”. If you are living alone, you can always think about people you love and send that message to them- some people text, email or pray for loved-ones and feel close to them.

We talked to a couple about what it means to have a healthy relationship. We met with Ned and Karen Podany and Phoebe, their beloved pet dog. Ned and Karen have been married 35 years and have a loving relationship. We asked them about what makes a good relationship. Ned answered, “I would say friendship. We have been friends since 1973 and we got married 10 years later. Working together we had our desks one across from the other. People would ask us, ‘How can you do that?’ and we always answered we enjoy it.” Karen says, “I think, too, that friendship is so important to a good relationship. Also, the fact that Ned is very caring, very much a gentleman and you have to be forgiving. I am a very forgiving person and I think Ned is, too.” We agree that forgiving is important and being able to say you are sorry is also important, even though it is sometimes not easy to do. Karen also adds, “I always laugh at his jokes, and I don’t tell him what to wear or volunteer him for anything without asking him first.” The Podanys shared some helpful ideas for healthy relationship. Now, how are your relationships?

Here’s a challenge: We encourage you to assess the relationships you have and build some new ones where needed. Then look at how they can be the best for you. We wish you happy, healthy relationships and a happy, healthy heart.

Chanhassen residents Doug and Lynn Nodland are Success Coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2017 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.