Technology: Helpful or Harmful for Relationships?

Recently we attended a family reunion in Wanamingo, Minnesota. it was nice to travel a bit and see the rolling fields and meandering streams. It was even more wonderful to see some family members that we don’t see very often. Unfortunately, not all family members were there. Distance and location made it more difficult for some to make the trip. Wanamingo is not the type of town where you fly in and get a cab to your destination.

This got us thinking about technology and how it affects relationships. Before all this new technology, when people wanted to communicate and get together, they just drove to visit someone. Doug tells me that in his farm community, families had a notepad and pen outside the front door so if people were not home, the visitors could leave a little note to say they stopped by. Now technology has made a huge difference in how people connect in relationships.

We realize that technology can affect relationships both positively and negatively. People have actually used texting to end their relationship. How impersonal is that? Sometimes young people, sitting side by side, will text rather than talk to each other. At times, digital communication can be misinterpreted. Bullying through social media, even when people do not know each other, can be harmful and even dangerous. However, despite the negatives, technology can also be helpful for relationships.

We have two children. One is married, has a family and lives in Bloomington. We don’t see them nearly as often as we should, and maybe it is because we can and they are so close. Our daughter is single and lives in London. We are so glad that technology with phones and computer programs have live-streaming, because it’s a wonderful way to “see” her and stay connected. When family members are far away, they can communicate in these face-to-face ways and it helps the distance and separation disappear, if just for a little while.

We noticed that while we connect with people farther away via technology, we often don’t go visit the people who live close to us. We want to be better at connecting with everyone we care about, whether they are near or far away. It’s not how you connect, it’s that you connect, that makes for good relationships. How about you? We wondered what you and others thought about how technology affects relationships. We went out to ask some people their opinions.

We met Lisa Jacobson, a Chanhassen resident. We asked her, “What effect do you think technology has on relationships?” She answered,” I think technology has both pros and cons for relationships. I have really enjoyed technology in the last ten years because it has allowed me to be in contact with my friends around the country and around the world, especially for my parents and my children to be able to be connected via texting and facetiming. It’s been really fun (for my parents) to be able to watch them grow up from afar. I’ve loved that. The drawbacks are that people are more isolated. Children are happy to stay home and play video games online with their friends and not necessarily doing fun things outside or even being together – that is not as fun.”

Then we met Jonathan Tudor, from Chaska, who told his thoughts about how technology affects relationships. He said, “I met my wife nineteen years ago. We met (in-person), talked and found out we had some common interests. It took us about two or three weeks before we decided we wanted to go out on a date. I think today’s technology takes that away little bit. It’s all done online and it takes away some of that (in person) communication which in turn leads to the exciting part of any relationship.”

The people who shared their ideas about technology brought up interesting points. Whether technology is helpful or harmful for relationships is based on each person’s understanding and intent of the communication and also how often they do communicate. How does technology affect the relationships in your life? We would love to hear from you.

Here’s a challenge: Take time to make a list of people you care about and look at the different ways you can connect with them. If distance and travel are a problem, consider using technology. If you’re not familiar with how to use technology, you can just ask teenagers – they know how. It may seem hard to keep up with changing technology but remember, a call from any type of phone never goes out of style.

Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center. They can be contacted at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2017 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.