Reflect on the past for a more effective future!

Another year is ‘in the books’. Some people are reflecting and saying, “That was a very good year.” Other people, when they reflect on the past year are more than glad to see the year in the rear-view mirror – forever! What side of the reflection coin resonates best with you? The end of the year is a great time to reflect on the past and look to the future. It’s a time to become more self-aware by looking at what worked, what didn’t, and adjusting our life journey accordingly.

As Ella Maillart said, “It’s always our own self that we find at the end of the journey. The sooner we face that self, the better.” Today we’ll share some of the best ways to reflect, not only on the past, but also on ourselves, so we can become more self-aware, be our best and create the future we desire.

We often include a bit of research in what we share with you, so it’s not just our opinions. Dr. Tasha Eurich wrote Insight: Why We’re Not As Aware As We Think. She and her team studied reflection and self-awareness and reviewed 800 studies that resulted in some interesting findings.

Dr. Eurich’s research revealed that 95% of people rated themselves as being self-aware. However, only about 10% to 15% were self-aware. The rest, who think they are self-aware, are not even aware that they are not self-aware. That’s a confusing concept. It means that many people are just clueless as to how others perceive them. They can go through life with this self-deception.

Margaret J. Wheatley points out the possible negative result of this dynamic, “Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” Do you know some people who are like this?

Bryant McGill said, “People who have had little self-reflection live life in a huge reality blind spot.” When people are not self-aware, we say they have ‘blind spots’ because they don’t see what others see about them. In working with teams, it’s always revealing to have team members share their perceptions of themselves and then get feedback from the other team members. Sometimes there’s a big discrepancy between the differing perceptions.

In learning more about the research behind reflection and self-awareness, we were surprised to find that reflection is not always beneficial. It’s best done in a certain way to provide benefits. One way to engage in reflection involves asking the right questions to stimulate self-awareness.

In looking back on the past year, it’s easy to ask ineffective questions like,” Why did I have so many bad relationships?” or some other question that starts with “why”.  Another common one is “Why didn’t I lose weight?” When using “why” it can often turn into defending or pointing out negative things about ourselves. In doing so, it has been shone that people begin to feel depressed, more stressed, and less happy. As Jim Rohn, said, “If you ask yourself a bad question, you’ll get a bad answer.”

So, how can we ask ourselves better questions? The questions to ask are much more beneficial if they start with the word “what.” Here are some examples: If you had bad relationships, instead of taking time to ruminate on “why” and how unfair it was, ask yourself, “What can I do to have better relationships in the future?” If you didn’t lose weight last year like you wanted to, instead of asking why you didn’t, instead ask, “What can I do to lose weight?” “What” questions are much more effective in promoting action toward a desired goal than “why” questions.

Research also shows that when people used “what” questions, they became more self-aware. Being clearly self-aware, resulted in increased confidence and creativity, better communication and feeling more fulfilled in life. Those are some nice benefits! Also, as Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

What about you? Could reflection time improve your life?  Here are some thoughts: We’ve highlighted how research shows that, when reflecting, a simple change from using questions that start with “what” instead of “why” can make a big difference in the results you reap.  Also, reflecting on the past and gaining self-awareness can help you be the person you want to be so you can look forward to your best future. As John C. Maxwell points out, “Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.” Pete Hall and Alisa Simeral put it very succinctly, “The more reflective you are, the more effective you are.”

We would enjoy hearing about your reflection experience.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.