Don’t just survive this holiday season – thrive!

What expectations do you have for this holiday season? Sometimes those expectations can be shaped by outside forces. Maybe you’ve seen some iconic paintings by Norman Rockwell. In the past, they were on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post magazine around Christmastime. The paintings often depicted the perfect, smiling, family sitting around a table with the finest dinnerware and linens. The father, at the head of the table, was carving a turkey that was also cooked to golden perfection. In the background would be a beautiful Christmas tree with an abundance of presents, next to a fireplace with an inviting fire. Doesn’t get much better than that, does it?  Well. that may be a realistic expectation for some families, but probably not for most.

Even today, when we turn on the TV, we see commercials of people receiving lavish gifts of cars for Christmas or having the perfect family gathering where there is peace on earth and goodwill to men…and women!  It could feel like we aren’t ‘measuring up’ if our celebration is more realistic and doesn’t meet that expectation.

Even if we have a loving family, things can still get stressful during the holidays. In addition to our already busy schedule, we add further responsibilities of decorating for the season, purchasing gifts, cleaning the home, preparing special foods to eat, and attending special seasonal events. The list goes on and on. It can become easy to get so lost in the busyness of ‘doing’, that we forget the importance of ‘being’. Being who we need to be to honor the ‘reason for the season’ along with those feelings of hope, love, and peace.

So, what can you do to help make your holiday expectations not one of just surviving, but instead, one of thriving? Here are a few ideas.

Set realistic expectations. We all have that longing to feel closeness and love that we think we see in other family’s holiday celebrations. We can feel disappointed if we don’t experience that same feeling. Just know that there is usually some level of ‘dysfunction’ in most families. You can’t change, or fix, the ‘issues’ of others. You can only change how you choose to react to the behavior of others. Try to be compassionate.

Give yourself the gift of self-care. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. Those boundaries can involve making sure you get adequate rest and nutrition. Don’t over-indulge in food or alcohol. It can also include setting limits on your time – or as the saying goes, ‘don’t bite off more that you can chew’.

Don’t ‘should’ on yourself. It can be easy to fall into the trap of excess worrying about what you should or shouldn’t do based on other’s expectations. Trust your own authentic decisions to do what seems right to you, while still being respectful of others.

Plan ahead. We can put lots of stress on ourselves by waiting until the last minute to do what needs to be done. Prioritizing and acting on those priorities can help you to feel more in control of the situation, and yourself. If needed, don’t hesitate to involve others to help with the preparation.

Set a budget and stick to it. It can be easy to spend above your means when it comes to buying gifts, shopping for food, or traveling during the holidays. It may feel good now, but if you overspend, you won’t want to feel the financial stress for months, or longer, in the future.

Focus on appreciation rather than expectation. Disappointment often is because of unfulfilled expectations. Since that’s true, instead of focusing on expectations of what the holiday season should, or shouldn’t be like, focus on what you appreciate and are grateful for. Just like darkness can’t exist in the presence of light, it’s difficult for disappointment to be top of mind when you focus on what you are grateful for.

Remember the ‘reason for the season’. As we said before, take time to honor what this holiday season is all about. For many, volunteering to help others is one way to do that. It also helps people to get their minds away from themselves and their ‘problems’. When helping others, the irony is that people find they actually help themselves to feel good.

What about you? What are your expectations for this holiday season? Richard DeVos said, “Life…it tends to respond to our outlook, to shape itself to meet our expectations.” Hopefully, some of the suggestions we shared can help to shape your holiday expectations. Then you can be not just surviving, but instead you can enjoy thriving and celebration.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.