5 ways to effectively deal with critical people

Are there any critical people in your life? We’ll guess you’ve come across people you find to be critical. You’re not alone. We all have critical people in our life. Maybe it’s someone at work or maybe it’s even a family member. Constructive criticism is fine, but some critical people are so very negative that they can take the joy out of life. No matter what positive news you might have, they’re guaranteed to find the cloud in your silver lining. So, what do you do when you’re confronted with these types of individuals? Here are 5 strategies you can use to deal with hypercritical people.

1. Don’t Take It Personally
   If there’s a truly critical comment that’s not helpful, maybe it’s not you. Often, it can reveal something about them. Unfortunately, some people wear a shroud of negativity around them like a security blanket, and it colors their view of the world. Observe how they treat other people. Usually they criticize everybody, not just you. When it is about you, sometimes it can be their jealousy that’s trying to pull you down. Someone once said, “Criticism is the disapproval of people, not for having faults, but for having faults different from their own.” – Unknown. In other words, critical people are often covering their own insecurity by trying to point out the faults of someone else.
2. Listen to The Message
   What is the critical person saying to you? Maybe your critical colleague or friend is tactless, or bad at expressing themselves rather than being mean. Try to see past the messenger to understand what is really being said, otherwise you might miss out on some valuable advice. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.” Stay open to hearing the message and learning from it.
3. Accept the Feedback
   You can decide to take critical feedback on its own merits. That is, as a source of honest feedback. According to Norman Vincent Peale, “The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” At least with hypercritical people what you see is what you get! If you can see past the blunt delivery, you may be able to find a kernel of truth that can improve the way you do things.
4. Reflect on Your Discomfort
   Criticism never feels good. Try to read your own discomfort as another source of information and learning about what is being conveyed. As Winston Churchill said, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” Does the negative feedback trigger a recognition deep within you? Maybe it subconsciously reminds you of a past event. Explore if there’s a ring of truth in the criticism. Reflect on the situation and see what it’s telling you.
5. Avoid Critical People
   Even if the critical person is someone you see often, you still have choices about how to deal with them. As Harry S. Truman said, “If you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.” If you don’t like being criticized, then avoid getting into situations with people who are likely to criticize you. Don’t ask for advice or expose yourself to their negativity. They’re not likely to change. Don’t engage with their negativity. Even if they try to provoke you, you can choose to ignore them. If you must have contact with a negative person at work, for example, be polite, but don’t engage more than necessary with them. You get to decide whether you want to have any contact with such critical people, or not.

What about you? How do you deal with critical people? Aristotle must have been sarcastic when he said, “Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” We know that isn’t the answer. There’ll always be someone in our life who is critical of us and of what we say or do.

Steve Goodier gives some good advice, “Who do you spend time with? Criticizers or encouragers? Surround yourself with those who believe in you. Your life is too important for anything less.” As you use the ways that have been offered here to effectively deal with critical people, we believe you’ll gain more confidence and be even happier in life.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.