Rid yourself of rotten potatoes and rotten relationships!

Anything rotten in your life and causing a stink? What happened in our life this morning got us thinking about this subject. We were greeted by a mess – a bag of potatoes that obviously were rotting. Even if we hadn’t seen the brown juice oozing out of the bag, we would have known there was a problem because of the pungent, ‘fragrance’ –  Pomme de terre #5 (pardon our French). It wasn’t fun to deal with this stinky mess.

Just as a bag of potatoes can get rotten, at times relationships can also get rotten. For example, problems in a relationship are sometimes kept in a dark closet. No one wants to bring them out into the light and the problems continue to grow into a stinky mess. People may deny that the problems exist, or they may think that the problems are not important. Then the problems get pushed aside and continue to rot.

Something else can occur when someone recognizes a problem, but doesn’t want to bring it up and possibly create conflict. They worry that people may get hurt and angry. It’s like when we saw the bag of rotting potatoes, we weren’t really excited to dig in and see what was going on. We knew we were going to have to handle it, but we didn’t know how bad a mess it would be.

When we attacked the bag of potatoes, it was tempting to throw out the whole bag. Likewise, in relationships it might seem easier to throw the whole relationship out. You can do this by avoiding contact with people who make you angry and blocking them from your phone. However, wait a minute, if we automatically throw people that we don’t get along with, out of our lives, we also throw out the opportunity for the relationships to get better.

Here’s another thing that can happen if someone absolutely decides that a relationship is too painful and has to end. They can say “it’s ended”, but it really hasn’t ended for them. We call it “burying the relationship alive” because their anger keeps them rehearsing, in their head, all the rotten things that were done to them. Therefore, the relationship is not “laid to rest”. Forgiving and moving on is helpful.

Actually, there can be times when trying to reach an understanding with someone is very difficult. With a rotten potato bag we know often there are still some good potatoes that just happen to be close to the rotten one and they’re also being affected. With potatoes, it’s pretty clear which ones need to go, but with people it’s not always so clear. People have many qualities – some qualities are good; some qualities are bad. Wayne Dyer said, “Problems in relationships occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person.”

Here are some questions to ask before getting rid of a relationship. Are we examining the whole person and allowing ourselves to see the redeeming qualities they possess? Also, if we throw away a relationship, how does that affect other relationships? Could we get labeled as the ‘bad potato’ for being so harsh? Are we judging others even when we know we are imperfect, too? What part did we play in the rotten relationship mess?

We looked at the part we played in the rotten potato mess. Maybe the potatoes wouldn’t have rotted if we hadn’t left them in a plastic bag, in a dark closet, away from the light.

In relationships, do we do the same negative behaviors? Maybe we leave people alone and don’t call or connect. In a sense, we keep them ‘in the dark’. If we did connect, was the communication we gave a ray of light and hope for them or did it contribute to them feeling more alone? What do we need to do to improve relationships?

Maybe instead of cutting people out of our lives, the goal could be to extend the “olive branch”. It’s not always easy. We can’t control their response, but we can, with the help of our Higher Power, be the authentic, caring and respectful person we are, and want to be.

What about you? To avoid rotten potatoes is easy, but what do you want to do to avoid rotten relationships? Take time to recognize what could be better. It takes work but when you deal with rotten relationships by forgiving others, and yourself, you’ll develop habits for positive living. Then, you’ll find even better relationships and more peace and harmony in your life.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.