Improve your listening skills to enhance your life!

Why is listening important? We got to thinking about this question for several reasons this week. The importance of listening was the topic in a recent meeting of the MarshWinds Toastmaster group. As speakers, they also realize the importance of the role of listening and they looked at ways to become better listeners. This led us to realize that the ability to listen has deteriorated in our world today.

Ronnie Polaneczky, a journalist and professional interviewer, points out that in social media, people are not really listening to each other. They aren’t communicating, nor are they creating connection. Instead of creating engagement, what’s really created is estrangement. When people make a social media post they expose something about themselves and then other people judge them.

We felt that the inability for people to listen shows up in many areas of society and causes conflict. In the political arena, many people want to talk but not many want to listen. This reminds us of a poignant quote by Stephen Covey, “Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply.”

So why is it important to listen? We listened to a Ted Talk by William Ury, an international negotiator. He points out three important reasons for listening.

1. Listening helps us understand the other side.
2. Through listening we can connect, build rapport and also show that we care.
3. When we listen to others, it also encourages others to listen to us.

In researching listening, we realized that if people could really listen to each other, a lot of conflict could be avoided. Knowing that listening is important, how can we be an effective listener. In coaching we call it “active listening”. In active listening, you learn to listen to not only what is said, but also to listen to what is not said. You listen to the pauses and to the intonation as to how it is said. There is so much more than just the words. During this time, other extraneous thoughts can creep into your mind. Quickly let them go so you can remain focused on what is being said.

If you know that you are going to be listening to someone, it can be helpful to take a moment to first listen to yourself and what is going on with you. Then center yourself. That way when you meet with someone you can be totally present and not thinking about yourself. M. Scott Peck said, “True listening requires a setting aside of oneself.”

We’ve talked about the importance of listening to others so that we can increase understanding and lesson conflicts. Julian Treasure, a sound consultant, is someone who talks about the importance of also listening to the sounds of our environment. For example, as we were writing this, we became aware of the ticking of a clock in our home. It was a sound we didn’t hear until we consciously took time to listen.

Sounds can place us in space and time. The ticking clock reminded us of pleasant times growing up when we heard grandfather clocks ticking in our home. Acclimation to what we hear can vary widely. Some people can live next to a noisy railroad track and not really hear it because it is so familiar.

Last summer we drove out to some farm land. We were surprised by the “silence” as we stood in the farm field. We don’t feel we live in a noisy environment, but when we were standing in the field, it was noticeably more quiet. Then the subtle sounds of the gentle breeze, the crickets and birds became more pronounced.

Notice how the sounds around you affect you. Sometimes having a small water fountain or a white noise machine in your home can have a positive effect on mood.

Julian Treasure suggests taking three minutes a day to be in silence so as not lose the ability to recognize the subtle sounds around us. He also believes that conscience listening creates understanding and increases the ability to connect more meaningfully. He, and other experts on sound and listening, suggests that having classes in school to teach people how to be good listeners could be very beneficial for interpersonal relationships, society and world harmony.

What about you? What is the importance of listening in your life? We’ve pointed out the importance of listening in your personal relationships and in your environment. We hope that as you practice your listening skills, it will add an increased richness to your relationships and appreciation of the sounds around you.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2022 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.