How to stay cool when things get hot!

Are you feeling a little ‘hot’ these days? Yes, we have been in a prolonged heat wave. We think back to when we were growing up and didn’t have the luxury of air conditioning. The remedy was to turn on multiple oscillating fans. Not only was the breeze cooling, the sound of the fans also had a mesmerizing, calming effect. Even just thinking about it now brings us back to those “lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer”.

Now, being in air-conditioning can help people remain comfortable during heat waves. But what happens when it’s not just weather that heats up?  What happens when the rising heat is emotion from anger? Actually, there are both pros and cons of anger.

When anger is not paired with aggression and violence, it can be a helpful emotion. Anger can be a positive motivator when we use our response to better life and get out of destructive situations.  As we protect our values and beliefs, anger at injustice can also help us solve problems and drive us toward worthy goals. When we recognize and deal with the underlying emotions of anger, such as sadness, it can actually lead to self-improvement.

However, there are also times when anger can be quite destructive to ourselves and to relationships. Robert S. Eliot, MD, cardiologist, can attest to the health problems of anger. In fact, he suffered a heart attack which prompted him to write a book, Is It Worth Dying For?

Anger can be damaging to the cardiovascular system, particularly to people who are ‘hot reactors’. He describes ‘hot reactors’ as people who react to stress with strong emotionality, such as anger. Eliot says research supports that 55% of all disease could be prevented if people learned how to handle stress and pay attention to the body’s warning signals.

In addition, when people react angrily to stressful situations, relationships deteriorate and accidents can happen as people become distracted by their anger.  Mark Twain said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, than to anything on which it is poured,” So, how can we avoid getting caught in the negative ‘heat’ of anger and instead ‘cool things down’ a bit?  Here are three ways.

First, calm the body and mind. Remember how our parents told us to count to ten? Good advice! That little bit of time allows us to breathe – in through the nose and slowly out through the mouth. Let go of any tightness in muscles that have us stuck in anger. When we’re more relaxed, we can think from our logical brain and be more proactive rather than reactive. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

Second, identify the cause of the anger. Is it really from the present time or is it anger triggered from a past hurt? How important, or insignificant, is it in relation to our life?  Will it bother us a week from now, a year from now or forever? Also, is feeling hungry, tired or overworked exacerbating anger?

Third, find a course of action. Decide whether this anger is one to let go of, or is it worth expending energy to solve. If it’s worth solving, look at possible alternatives and enlist help when needed to generate ideas and provide support. If a situation is not in our control, we need to find acceptance. Then we can do things to help us feel less angry. Try reframing the situation or looking at it from another’s point of view. If we’re cut off in traffic, maybe the other driver had an emergency or just didn’t notice the car.

If certain people contribute to anger, try talking to them respectfully to find amicable and workable solutions. At times, journaling what contributes to our anger can help us understand it better. However, to avoid ‘simmering’ in negativity, journaling should also contain steps to finding positive solutions for anger and help us ‘go with the flow’.  Eliot said, “I have learned that most of the time you can’t fight and you can’t flee, but you can learn to flow.”

What about you? What people or situations cause you to feel angry and what do you want to do about them? Remember, it’s our choice to be angry – or not. Others don’t make us angry, our interpretations of the situation make us angry. We encourage you to use the ideas we shared. Decide how you want to handle angry feelings, so you can enjoy feeling cool and calm, even when things get hot.

Chanhassen MN residents, Doug and Lynn Nodland are success coaches and owners of The Balance Center in Excelsior. Contact them at WeCare@SharingLifesLessons.com

© Doug and Lynn Nodland 2021 Articles and videos may be shared in their entirety with attribution.